Dear j walkers...

I would like to say something. It is regarding stupidity. This is one thing which I am certain is universal. The other day I was driving in the city at night and noticed a figure in the middle of a busy street--as in, on the dotted line. In HEELS. What? Ok ok. I have had my fair share of  j walking indiscretions (for those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, it means crossing where there is no crosswalk). In the words of a good friend: If I had a penny for every time I (insert "j walked" here), I would be a rich woman. However, to quote the commercial for "Smart Guy" (Who remembers that show? The one with Tahj Mowry...) "There's a fine line between genius and insanity, and you're flirtin' with it." So it goes with this minor illegality (which I'm not actually sure is illegal in this country). But whether it's legal or not is neither here nor there as far as tonight is concerned. There is a technique-a finesse, if you will-and a certain degree of common sense and self-preservation. So, to get back to the story, as I was out driving tonight I noticed someone crossing marginally dangerously in front of me, but I was far enough to only give a disapproving tsk tsk to myself and proceed with caution. Later in my drive, however, there was another. She was, let's just say, a little too close for comfort and not exactly wearing glow-in-the-dark pants. As I approached, trying to decide what degree of ridicule she deserved, my answer came. She stepped back onto the street, keeping one foot on the curb and teetering. And there were her friends standing on the sidewalk all thinking this flirting with the line was funny as I drew closer and then passed, along with the few cars behind me. I have since wondered whether laying on the horn would have scared her off, scared her into falling completely into the road (the antithesis of the desired result) or simply encouraged them all. I will probably never know. I leave you with only one thought:

Dear Teenagers,
Please use your head for something other than piercings and growing hair.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Oh and Happy Leap Day!

Germany has survived me for a month...

Well, to celebrate the fact that I have made it a month, I gave Germany a little break from me and took probably my longest road trip ever--to Switzerland. Ok ok it's only about 7 hours, but let's just say I haven't been much of a road tripper in the past. And I not only survived, but thrived (throve?). So now I'm in Switzerland, and it is a beautiful country (not that Germany isn't). My pictures don't really do it justice, so I guess you'll just have to go for yourself. But, if you will, let us return to the road tripping portion. Being... as old as I am... I have been well trained in the art of "speak now or forever hold... it." So, natürlich, when confronted with a gas station, I did what any American would do--seize the day. However, I was presented with a little surprise or two. First off, I was charged (like, money) to get through the turnstile. Okaaaaaay. I then received a 50 cent voucher which apparently can be used many places. All I could think of was Urinetown. Don't you worry, though; things got better. Have you ever been to the Chicago airport? This used to be my favorite airport because it had a plastic cover which rotated to be clean after every use. Well, the toilet pictured below tops it.

After flushing, the ENTIRE SEAT rotates and that magical blue rectangle comes out and sanitizes the entire surface. Fellow Americans: Say what you will about Europeans not spending exorbitant amounts on teeth whitening. This looks like money much better spent if you ask me.


I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Culture Shock 3

I was recently asked how the culture shock was going. I responded that the culture isn't too different so it hasn't been bad. Then I realized that culture shock may be a bit more extensive than I thought.

For example, who knew that my presence would cause others to go into culture shock? I was in my German class and we were doing an activity which required me to write something and the girl I was talking to exclaimed "Das ist dein linkse arm! Schwer! Seeeeeeeehr schwer!" Let's just say, my left-handedness was quite the anomaly.

I also think that my squealing, clapping, and happy-dancing reaction may have been slightly stranger in this country. But seriously: Me. Volleyball. Spike. Point. First time in my life! What else was I to do?

On the other hand, I was shocked to learn that the "good-game slap" among men (you know the one I mean) is not an American thing. It's apparently just a guy thing.

With Valentine's day earlier this week, of course there was culture shock galore. I had been forewarned that this is not so much a German thing, so I prepared myself likewise. However, I was pleasantly surprised. I was greeted by a group Valentine's dinner complete with heart confetti. There I was asked where Valentine's day comes from to which I gave the standard answer of "The greeting card companies." The facial response was... unforgettable to say the least.

I also had a surprise Valentine this year who even gave me a rose. I know I said no younger guys, but he was so excited about the "Blumen!" I will make an exception in this case.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

At the start of week 4...

I have made it 3 weeks and 1 day. I feel as if this is a good time to clear up a few matters.

1. The window in my picture is unfortunately not in my house in Germany. It is somewhere much more strange and exotic. Provo.

2. I have still not met the man of my dreams. I didn't realize that this was the purpose of the trip, or that I had already met and exceeded the appropriate time frame in which to accomplish such a feat.

3. I thought I had played volleyball before. Then I played with Germans.

4. German is... still a work in progress. I'm currently using the sponge technique. This is, in fact a real linguistic theory (although it goes by another, yet hardly more sophisticated name) that says that people learn language by first reading and listening, and then writing and speaking. I didn't totally support this theory upon learning it in my language acquisition class. It's lately been sounding more and more attractive.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Hm. I live in Germany. Weird.

First day of class in the city. So, of course, I explored a little beforehand. Thoughts that went through my head (not necessarily in order):

• I'm not sure if I can park here, but it's definitely out of the way of traffic, and they did.
• I should have paid more attention in my German 101 when they taught us the word for "smoke." Only at BYU is it obsolete.
• Ugh. I hate being the gross person in the class with the incessant coughing and nasal issues. Especially on the first day. Embarrassing.
• A GELATO SHOP?! Not quite frozen yogurt... but I'll take it!
• Thank goodness it's so cold otherwise I would be eating gelato right now, and every day that I have class. Then I would be poor. And fat.
• I'm not sure which is stranger, the fact that the first person I came across asked me for directions (apparently I look like I know what I'm doing, eh?), or the fact that she asked in English (where's the sign? I'm hoping people here just assumes everyone speaks English and it was nothing personal).
• Why do these people not believe in public bathrooms!?
• The cheapest thing I can find in this store is a tank top. And it's €49.
• What I sweet old church thing which I am too lazy to post pictures of right now. (You'll have to wait in suspense.)
• Oh I hope no one tries to talk to me in the store.
• "Südamerikan (South American) Steakhouse" Apparently I need to be better cultured. I was not aware that steak was a traditional South American dish.
• -5? That HAS to be Fahrenheit. Either way, I guess it's better than the -11 of this morning.
• Ok. I like this city.
• Hm. I live in Germany. Weird.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Quite the mouthful

Well, I had a culturally packed Saturday, believe you me. Ikea (pronounced ee-kay-ah, not ai-kee-ah in layman's phonetics) for lunch, of course. They are now supporting Celiacs of Germany, as I found with some delicious cake thing. This is apparently run-of-the-mill winter weekend entertainment.

The real adventure, however, started with dinner. I started off eying up a jar of Gurken. So, for any as uneducated as I was 48 hours ago, Gurken is what we Americans call pickles. However, I was informed that "Pickle" means pimple (yes, like a pustuous pore generally found in the facial region). I shall never again refer to a cucumber soaked in Essig (vinegar) as such. But this Gurken had Honig (yes, that is honey)... So, going for the true German experience, I had a little bitey-bite. What? Why would someone do that to a cucumber? If the intent behind the honey was to cancel out the vinegar taste, then they were unsuccessful.

Next up was Swiss cheese. Actually just a Swiss cheese. It was hole-less, and the holey stuff which we call Swiss cheese is hardly more Swiss than Swedish fish are Swedish or French Fries are French. But I don't know why we don't just eat real Swiss cheese because the Swiss know where it's at.

With the success of the Swiss cheese as far as my taste buds were concerned, I decided to dive into the Camembert (with Walnuts) which had been awaiting me in the fridge for a week. I unwrapped it and looked at this furry cheese. Then asked how I was to go about eating it. Apparently one uses a cake-slicing technique and then rests it upon one's cracker (mine was, of course, gluten free). Here's the thing--when I initially ventured into this world of exotic cheeses, it was not fully disclosed to me that the mold layer would remain on it during the time of consumption. Um... what? Let's just say that one will be going on the "force the tastebuds into submission" list, along with Schorle (which I actually have had two days in a row, thank you very much) and Honig Gurken. In fact, I think Camembert will go at the bottom of this list, I am sorry to say. In Wisconsin we eat our cheese BEFORE it gets moldy. Problem solved

Today's excursions were, again successful. Knödel. Just the name sounds like something you have to enjoy. KNÖDEL! Think of how lovely dumplings are. A giant ball of starchy goodness. Then make that ball, instead of white flour, potato starch. Do you see what I'm saying?! Approved. Signed. Sealed.

I was also asked if American women really eat the placenta after giving birth. Don't be silly. Sometimes the husband eats it.
I do not think I shall be of this camp. But that was one stereotype I was not prepared to encounter.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Two Weeks Notice

Bahaha. So I was feelin' some Sandra. I need to straighten my room before the cleaning lady comes in the morning, and I'm exhausted. So what could satiate me better than a little "Two Weeks Notice" (since I just watched 'The Blind Side"). Then I sat down to write this and about died. I'VE BEEN HERE TWO WEEKS! It's not like I didn't realize that. But I thought the movie was especially fitting. See--you can never go wrong with Sandra. My question is: what's with her and the name Lucy? Is this coincidental? Do the writers plan on her playing the part and name the character Lucy? Does she have a deep-rooted childhood dream of being named Lucy and therefore asks the character's name be changed? These are the things I wonder. But just to prove even more that my selection was inspired: I'm watching it in German (although I'm not sure how long that will last) and its title is "Ein Chef zum Verlieben" (which means something like "A Boss to Fall in Love." The point of that is that I didn't see the title on the shelf and think "Oh what a perfect movie to watch on my two week mark. It would be ironic." Here's the thing, I'm feeling really babbly right now and I'm finding that it's best that I don't write when I'm tired. But I must.

Of ALL the times I've watched this movie (which actually isn't very many) I just realized that the wedding she gets called out of is of the people who got engaged under the demolition ball thing in the beginning. Who'd have thought?

Also, the German subtitles don't actually match what they're saying. Does the dubbing cover ad libbing but the subtitles come straight from the script?

On a more German note, I saw the most precious windmill today driving through the German countryside. It was straight out of "War Horse" although that one is supposed to be in Italy or something. But it was really cute.

I also learned that there's actually a reason that I don't see anyone driving beaters. It's illegal. Ha.

Also, I was discussing with my mother today what "having a chip on your shoulder" means. She pictured wood chips. Why in the world would you picture that? It doesn't make any sense at all. Unless it's a chip from the apple tree from which you haven't fallen far. I guess that's... possible. I thought it was like a piece taken out. That would make sense, I think. I don't know about you, but I would def be in a bad mood if a chip had been taken out of my shoulder.
I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'

Off topic; on the record.

Hello Everyone,

Germany is just as exciting as ever: I squeaked by in convincing the hochschule that I did not need the from scratch beginner German class, gave away my language inadequacies saying nothing more than my name, had a run-in with the immigration office, and turned to find Lord Voldemort driving the car next to mine at a stop light. Basically life as usual. So I wanted to take a little different direction with my rantings today to give a shout out to someone who may or may not be my big brother (and may or may not actually know that I'm doing this). "This person" has this newfound love of leather. Ok that may have sounded strange, but (for once) my words are not enough. So, since a picture is supposedly (but for today let's pronounce that "supposably" because either you already say it that way or you need to face the fact that, at some point in your life, you too have made the slip) worth a thousand, I thought I would just illustrate with a few of my personal fave-sies.

(These pictures were all oh-so-sneakily kifed from his facebook) 

So yes, he carved these and, although he's way more into practical application than I showed (a bike lock holder, knife cover, ruler holder, etc.), they def don't go wanting in aesthetic appeal. 

Genius?

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.