Magical Fruit Flies

Just as a random bemusing which I wish to send out into cyberspace:
You know those little bugs? Fruit flies maybe? Anyway, they seem to just kind of float around. But the moment you try to catch them they disappear. What's that about? You think they're moving so slow, and you are using your ninja moves, but the fly is gone (soon to return) and your hand is empty. Where the heck do they go?

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

I love Germans. And cheese. (In no particular order)

Yes. Two in one day. Try to contain yourself. But this is a much happier note.

I love Germans. I can't help it. I particularly love the way they talk. I was recently having girls night with an American friend who lives in Germany and also spent some time in Utah, like me. We started talking about how the mindset is different in Germany as far as interpersonal relations are concerned. I like it. Let's just say, that Germans are more in favor of simply saying what they think. And that works for me much better than beating around the bush. The other day I was with some people, and there were snacks involved which I hadn't quite made my way over to yet. One girl came over munching on the food in her napkin, hugged me, and said:

"Hi! How are you? I just LOOVE CHEESE." (insert blissful voice, head thrown slightly back, and eyes rolled into head)
I responded and laughed a little. When I explained what was so funny she apologized and asked me again how I was. This only made it funnier since she was apparently so distracted by her love of cheese that she didn't realize that she'd already asked me this and I'd already answered. We then proceeded to bond over our love of cheese. When I mentioned the "Cheese State" She said, "What's that?" I told her it's just the nickname of one of the states because they're known for their cheese. "But which one!?" She inquired eagerly. After I told her she said, "I must GO to Wisconsin! This is now on my list of places to see!" I don't know that I've ever met anyone so excited to go to Wisconsin, but more power to her. And I am so happy that I have found someone who shares my love of cheese. Which reminds me. I went to a fair at a palace not too long ago, and as I was at the stand where one can buy all sorts of crazy cheeses, I saw...

THIS MAN.

Thanks to my passion for cheese, I saw my first REAL German.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

The latest in t-shirts. Unfortunately.

Many a time have I been astonished, even bamboozled, by the audacity of a particular "genre" of t-shirt which seems to pop up, particularly in trendy, teeny-bopper stores. I have often wondered if girls actually wear them. My question has been answered. I honestly am not sure of the girl's age. Maybe 16? But I was so distracted by what she was wearing that I don't even remember her. I guess her apparel did it's work. It depicted a woman from barely the waist up covering her own nudity while demonstrating how long her middle finger is. Seriously? How classy can you get? If I don't remember who was wearing the shirt, I'm going to assume no man on the street can either. I can somewhat understand a man thinking that wearing something like this is cool. This is the only "hot girl" he can get and she'll go everywhere with him--like a little trophy. Rather pathetic, really. But coming from a girl?! Come on. You are encouraging the objectification and de-humanization of of your own gender. You are also (and most significantly) crippling yourself.

But let's just take a look at this for a second. What is she trying to accomplish? Attention. However, there are a few flaws in her logic as far as I can tell.

1. I suppose, since I am writing an entire blog post on this then you were somewhat successful in getting attention. What my attention does for you, I have no idea. If this was a cry for help, consider yourself heard. You're better than that. If not, keep reading.
2. As I said, no one cares who's wearing the shirt. Thusly you have actually attracted people to you by detracting from yourself simultaneously.
3. Do you think you look like that? If so, why would you want to distract from your own good looks by flaunting some airbrushed figment of the imagination? Is it a ploy at a two-for-one deal?
4. You don't look like that. Whether you think you do or not. All you're going to do is highlight all of your own flaws to the man who is shallow enough to fall for the billboard you are wearing. So if you're trying to make yourself look better, you're not. And if you're trying to make your good looks apparent, you're not. Lose-lose.

Girl, you are young. Please grow out of this fast. It's for your own good. If you are considering perhaps trying out this new fad, please take my logic into account. Don't make an object of yourself, and please, let the girl who this picture is based on remain a person as well.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

OUI! MERCI!

Women share a special bond that transcends culture, age, or language. Men might as well, but I can't say I've experienced it firsthand. I was recently in Paris-yes, like the city of love-and this bond was reaffirmed to me. I was walking down the street (probably the Champs Élysées but I rarely actually knew where I was so it's difficult to be sure). As I left some sort of shopping building thing I noticed something white fluttering close to the ground. I did a double take, just to be sure. I thought things like this only happened in the movies. But, then again, this Paris, so my last statement is null and void. And it really was what I thought: A piece of toilet paper stuck to the shoe of a middle-aged woman walking with her husband/boyfriend/friend/significant other. Like I said-woman bond. I could not let her continue on in such a manner. So, naturally, I tapped her on the shoulder. No response. So I tried the other shoulder. Still nothing. But at this point at had come so far that there was no turning back. I simply could not let her proceed into that crowd. I tried again, back on the first shoulder. Harder and longer. In retrospect I realize that it was lucky she didn't scream and try to have me arrested for assault. Instead she and her man both turned and looked at me as if that was the first they realized that anyone was there (lucky for them I'm not a pickpocket). It dawned on me then that I hadn't fully thought this plan out so I simply pointed down and said, "Um. Your shoe." The woman looked down and it was as if I could see the wires connect when she realized why this strange girl was accosting her on the street. She exclaimed, "Oui! Merci!" It was then that I also once again realized that I didn't think this plan out very well. I also realized that I don't know how to respond to Merci in French. I gave an awkward head jerk and hurried off down the street, hoping not to end up walking beside them again. Good deed=done. Although perhaps I should think such things out better. Nah. Then I wouldn't go through with them, and the woman bond would potentially go broken. Although the next day I let some other woman outside I public bathroom use my hand sanitizer. She said she couldn't get the sink to work. That just would not do.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.