ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

I never really got into the zombie trend. Although I was cast in a zombie web-series once. I moved to Germany instead. Rats. Anyway. The best way to describe my colleagues and I is: Zombie Apocalypse Survivors. There are a number of reasons for this. Not that Russians are zombies. Even though they generally don't smile in public. But we're all slightly crazy strangers thrown together to face the odds together, blah blah blah. I think it's a "gotta be there" sort of thing. Sorry. Anyway, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about Russians. I have actually met several nice ones and have had some pretty good experiences in my week and a half here. For example...

Yesterday I was trying to jump on the very full bus (and ended up with my face virtually pushed up against the cracked glass which looked like it would shatter at any moment and almost got closed in yet another door). I rustled around for the bus fair in my wallet. A man behind me called out "Girl!" (in Russian) and he and another woman got my attention so that he could give me back a 100 Ruble bill that I'd dropped. ONE HUNDRED RUBLES! Don't worry, it's only a little more that 3 bucks. But Still, I can almost buy three bags of corn flakes with that. Which brings me to my second point.

Russians make the best cornflakes EVER. Light and fluffy, slightly sweetened and not infected with gluten. Yum. Unfortunately, the milk doesn't exactly enhance them, but that's another issue. I don't even know what to say other than- I'm addicted. Sigh. Forget Vodka. I would bring home a whole suitcase of cornflakes.

Speaking of grocery stores (you like my transitions?) I've had a couple cashiers be very helpful and utilize sign language and whatnot. Not that I need it anymore... But my crazy mad Russian skills will have to wait for another day. Prepare to be impressed.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Foot in the door? No thank you.

Less than 24 hours in Russia and I had already had my first near-death experience. Fantastic. I went out with a couple colleagues of mine to get some things set up for work. One had just been telling me how easy the metro is to use. The train pulled up, and people piled out. It was a particularly full train so it took a while to clear out. The three of us then attempted to squeeze in, but I was first. I turned around and realized there wasn’t time for the other two to get in behind me. Being used to the German metro, I simply reached out to stop the door from closing. Newsflash: This is Russia, not Germany. The door didn’t stop so I started to reverse off the train, but it closed on my hips. The girl I was with pulled me off BUT not fast enough, and my foot got stuck in the door. So there I was, sitting on the cement of the metro station with one appendage still on the train. Anyway, let me say: those things go fast. And the tunnels are narrow. (But don’t worry, Mom!) I tried pulling my foot free and the girl grabbed me by the arms and started pulling, although it didn’t seem to be doing any good. I’m not going to lie, some interesting thoughts flashed through my mind. One being, “Aw, man! What if I have to lose my boot? I just got here.” Fortunately, the man with us noticed a head a little closer to the ground than usual and ran over from the other train door. He took a firm grasp of my ankle and I (and my boot as well) came out virtually unscathed. Oh yeah, then the doors opened for a second and re-closed. Thanks a lot. 

Now, you may be asking “Didn’t anyone try to pull the doors open or push your foot from the inside?” No. No, they did not. I thought they looked irritated, but they were not exactly my biggest concern. My co-worker said they looked shocked/terrified. What? It’s not like you’ve never seen a girl almost dragged by a train before. Sheesh. Needless to say, I now have a strict policy against getting on the train first or last when traveling with a group.

I’m not sayin’; I’m just sayin’.

Todo, we're not in Germany anymore

Hey Guys. So I’ve been here a week tomorrow. I haven’t updated you yet because nothing ever happens. You know how it is, moving to Hicksville, Middleofnowhere. So honestly I’ve been pretty bored ever since I accomplished the one adventure of walking across the entire city in 15 minutes.

Ok you called my bluff. Things haven’t exactly been boring here.

The woman who checked my passport upon arrival was actually nice. Well, all things considered. Once I was approved, I proceeded forward and started on what was the longest escalator of my life. Little did I know, that one was child’s play compared to the metro system. Needless to say, I will never again blindly start running up an escalator when there’s a long line for the standing side—chances are they’re waiting for a reason. Anyway, back on track. The minute I got out of baggage claim, the taxi drivers were there to pounce. They watched me like hawks and didn’t seem to care how many times I had said “no” already. One watched me as I waited for my ride, and after I rejected his offer a few times and began to walk away he proclaimed me to be a “proud girl”. I eventually met up with my colleague and we started on the journey to the apartment I was staying at. Long is all relative since everything is a long trip in this city.

We made a… “friend”… on the bus. I’d heard that Russians like to get to know strangers and will give their whole life story, and, what do you know, I was thrown right into this culture. He started out by offering me his seat (I didn’t take it, if you were wondering). Then he tried to tell me that there was a traffic jam. However he tried to do this with a crude sign language, and, having no context for what he was saying, I was a little taken aback my his gestures. Apparently they're not universal. Over the 2 hour bus ride I was asked if I was 16 (de ja vu of every trip I’ve ever taken) then asked where my children were and why I wasn’t married at my age since I already have my degree (feels like somewhere else I’ve lived). He also compared me to Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and said something about my eyes being like deep wells something something… I got all of this secondhand from the person I was with who speaks Russian. By the end he told me not to meet people on the streets unless I’m with a guy I know who speaks Russian. Thank you for the advice, Russian Man.

I also looked around as I was riding the bus/metro. It was a sea of black, speckled with scowls and fur. I’ve been practicing the former. (It's just a social norm, though. Many of them have actually been quite helpful). But I don't know how they do it. Sometimes life is just too funny.

I’m not sayin’; I’m just sayin’.

To whom it may concern:

Don't think of this as a love song. If you listen to the lyrics in a new light they take on a new meaning. At least I think so. Soundtrack style: Go!

Gleich werde ich ein Flugzeug einsteigen und ein neuer Abenteuer anfangen. Deutschland war ein ganz schöne Erfahrung und ich werde die Leute und das Land vermissen. Danke für alles das ihr mich gelehrt habt!
Soon I'll board a plane and begin a new adventure. Germany was an amazing experience and I will miss the people and the country. Thanks for everything you've taught me!

Dieses Jahr habe ich...
This year I...

Started a blog
(Re-)learned how to drive
Got my first speeding ticket
Made incredible friends
Learned to play volleyball... and like it
Watched soccer
Followed the European Cup
Learned to speak German
Read an entire Harry Potter book in German
Had a Valentine for the first time (a certain 4-year old...)
Was the recipient of the sweetest kiss on the cheek ever (from my favorite 2-year-old)
Saw a baby learn to walk
Got knocked out by a fighter training for the Olympics
Got two black eyes
May have had a concussion and/or broken nose
Couldn't walk for 2 days
Contracted Bronchitis
Expanded my scarf collection
Traveled to Austria, France, Italy, Ireland, and Switzerland (x3)
Applied to grad school
Met people from a dozen or so countries
Spent my first Christmas away from home
Bought red pants
Ate smoked eel, goose, warm chestnuts, honey pickles, Mässmögge, Raclette and Currywurst and many other foods
Took a beach vacation
Went on the longest roadtrip of my life
Tried herbal and fruit teas
Started drinking carbonation again
Got hooked on smart phones
Learned to dance the "Disco Fox"
Conquered, shall we say, one of my greatest "social fears"
Got used to metric and euros
Rocked the Autobahn
Went to an aquarium, a zoo, and a safari park
Traveled by car, ferry, train, plane, and bus
Rode a bike and a boat
Was mistaken for being 13, 30 and pretty much everything in between
Took chances, made mistakes, and got messy...


*In no particular order, but, in spite of overstatements, understatements, and omissions, this list contains no fabrications.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Why yes, I DID have a good slide, thank you

Ok Ok I know it's been FOREVER! But better late than never: Frohes neues Jahr and a happy New Year to you. My love for Germans skyrocketed ever since they show me how they live it up New Years Eve.
Hamburg. Bridge. Not super cold. Slight drizzle. Fireworks going off everywhere. And of course a bottle of sparkling grape juice. I was even so crazy as to drink out of a bottle that had been passed around. Gross. But it's a new year so I thought I'd be wild and crazy. We had a ball (as in a dance, not as in a really good time, but now that I mention it I supposed both actually apply) beforehand so we were all dressed up fancy-like. And hugs all around. Not to mention screaming/squealing. I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. I LOVE GERMANS!

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.