Common Sense Caution

As I was brushing my teeth, the back of a hair product on my shelf caught my eye. It said:

Common Sense Caution

For external use only. Avoid contact with eyes. If contact occurs, flush eyes thoroughly with cool water. If adverse reaction occurs, discontinue use and call a physician.

Keep out of reach of children

For external use only... I think they lie.  I'm sure that if I ate this stuff my hair would stay wherever I simply willed it to be.

Avoid contact with eyes... I thought it would make my contacts stay in place too (No I don't wear contacts). Or perhaps for those pesky eye follicles that always frizz on me.

Discontinue use... I once heard that the definition of insanity was trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That's all I'm going to say on that.

Call a physician... Don't tell me what to do! But good thing there have been enough lawsuits along these lines that, just in case I'm unsure what to do when suffering from physical ailments, a beauty product tube will remind me. I wonder if the people reading the tube are the ones who need the reminder? What kind of person does it make me for reading it? Hmm...

Bottom line. Actually top line. I can think of no better header for this warning label. So thank you, company from which I bought my hair product. I appreciate your sass. Although you were overpriced. Apparently I was paying extra for character.

I'm not sayin'; I'm just sayin'.